Well howdy! I’ve returned! I hope you enjoyed my slew of blog posts from last week! I decided to give everyone a break, considering how the world is a giant dumpster fire right now. Since California is on a shelter in place, I’ve been wracking my brains on how to stay motivated and not slip into my brain of anxiety. So, I decided to, (sort of), make it official!
A couple of weeks ago, I saw an ad sponsored by Facebook, (yay for social media marketing!), by a company that I had been watching for some time now, called the Buddy Bandana. I scrolled through their website, checking everything out and finding, to my joy, that they were a down-to-earth company. I love supporting causes that are worthy of being recognized, especially those that have such positive influences on the communities around them. This is why I support charities like Partners in Health and Save the Children. I openly advocate for the Project for Awesome every December, so when I found this great company, I couldn’t have been more excited.
Much to Dodson’s chagrin, I love seeing my pup in bandanas and things that give him a little style. If any of you see him, he does have a keychain attached to his harness with a letter ‘D’ on it, just for a little added bling. So when I came across the Buddy Bandana, it was kind of amazing to see how two things I enjoyed came together to form this awesome organization. If you want to know a little more about them, here’s their mission statement:
“The Buddy Bandana is born in Boston in 2019. Our mission is to spread awareness and raise money for rescue organizations across the country. Each year approximately 1.5 Million shelter animals are euthanized, (670,000 dogs). We pride ourselves on donating to no kill shelters to support and save animals in need. Every month we will feature a dog that your donations have helped save. This month we have partnered with Animal Hope & Wellness Organization. (
www.animalhopeandwellness.com)”
So yes, call me a bit obsessed in my excitement to support the spread of kindness during these particularly difficult times.
While on the subject of supporting awesome charities, Dodson’s birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks! I would love it if any of my readers donated to Guide Dogs for the Blind to celebrate with us! Dodson has been a huge positive change in my life, and I am grateful to them every day for my golden snagglefluff. GDB is a nonprofit organization that works solely from donations and is backed by a large volunteer base, so please do consider making a donation while they work to keep both pups and all staff safe, happy, and healthy during Covid-19. (Please note: GDB is not at all affiliated with The Buddy Bandana. Their only connection is my love for both organizations.)
Finally, I know I’m coming off as a walking, talking billboard, but I just want to remind everyone that kindness does NOT cost much. Everyone across the board is afraid, anxious, and feeling trapped by this sickness. You are most definitely not alone. Try to keep in mind that food is not going anywhere, groceries will still be open and food available. So, while you’re stockpiling for your families, remember to leave something behind for the elderly person, disabled individual, or immunocompromised soul out there who also needs these essentials to survive. We WILL get through this. Lend a hand, be kind, be there for your family and others suffering. Let your extroverts know you’re thinking of them during these times of social distancing, but also check in on your introverts and those who may be struggling with mental health illnesses. We’re all not happy, but we can create a strong community if we just remember to look for the good and be positive, instead of looking at all the bad. Support your charities that are working hard every day to make the world a better place, thank the healthcare workers in your lives who are vulnerable and exposed to the Covid-19 risks, be kind to your cashiers and baristas who are all having a tough go of things. Just, be, kind.
I love you guys. Please stay safe, reach out to me through my various social medias if you need an ear, donate to your small businesses, wash your hands, and follow CDC and WHO guidelines. Chin up, everyone. 😊

It’s Been Almost a Year, and Guess What? I’m Still Anxious

Hey there everyone. Today’s post comes from a place of frustration, exasperation, and a severe lack of energy to explain that I am not ‘cured’ of my anxiety.
It’s almost been a full year of my taking my medication to help with my anxiety, and a lot of things I’ve heard over the past 12 months have been akin to, “Are you cured from this horrific disease plaguing your psyche yet?” The answer, my friends, is a resounding no. While acknowledging that I am an anxious individual, I do not hope for the gods of medicine to completely cure all my problems. It’s not feasible and believe me, as a person who is well traveled in her multitudes of doctor visits, that’s all I expect at the moment. And that’s okay.
While everyone seems concerned that I should overcome my anxiety in some superhero moment of total awesomeness, the fact of the matter is that my medicine is not meant to cure me. It’s to help me gain a handle on my anxiety, to play down the effects of everyday life being too much for me. In taking this medicine, it’s sincerely changed me for the better. I face everyday issues and feel sure in myself; I don’t dread every day and what it’ll bring, and most importantly, I can sleep and hold normal conversations without worrying that I’m wasting someone’s time. And when I don’t take these meds, the difference is noticeable and terrible.
At the writing of this post, I will say that I had a horrible, terrible, very bad no good day. It was filled, from start to mid finish, with issues and circumstances that almost made me cry at every turn. From disorganization at my school that required me to step in the extra self-advocacy role, (which is both freeing but extremely exhausting), to accidentally double ordering everything from Postmates when I realized I needed comfort, it was all around terrible. On any other day, I could shrug this off, problem solve, move on and have a great day. Today… not the case. I cried. A lot. It was frustrating, and when I don’t have my meds, every small problem, is a HUGE PROBLEM. I struggle to communicate my needs, to remind myself that people want to talk to me and not to be nervous and to pick up the phone and make those important phone calls I’ve yet to make. It’s these moments when I appreciate the people around me the most.
I will admit, when I do not have my meds, I become withdrawn, frustrated and grumpy; interacting with me is like poking a really pissed off tiger. I don’t like this version of myself, but again, not being able to communicate effectively leaves me stuck in my head yelling at myself not to say it like that while it comes out that way. These times are the times where kindness and understanding really come in. A close friend texted me, unbeknownst to them, after I cried myself to sleep out of sheer frustration over not feeling like myself. That text simply said, “You’re on my mind.” And again… I cried. Not out of frustration, but because they knew I was having a bad day and they knew they couldn’t do much but reassure me in those words that I mattered to them and they’d hug me if they could.
Another friend responded to my text of, “call me on your break” by doing exactly what I needed, no questions asked. As soon as I answered, I got a ,”what’s up, Nat-Nat?” And I just unloaded my frustrations while she listened sympathetically, occasionally butting in with affirmations only a fellow struggler of mental health could. She was okay when I realized talking was too much and hung up. Another friend endured me mindlessly watching YouTube videos endlessly laughing and cringing at the less-than stellar content, all the while joining in with my groans and eye rolls in only the way he could, which made everything that much funnier.
Everything these three have done for me makes my anxiety better. From kindness, understanding, and patience to sympathy to agreement that yes, Chaka Khan really did sound terrible singing the national anthem. These are all small gestures that makes life bearable as an anxious person who may not always have her meds at hand, but these steadfast anchors remind me that it’s okay to fall apart sometimes. I am endlessly grateful to have these people because while we wish family, medicine, or doctors had all the answers, sometimes the answer is in a little laughter, and in my case, the addition of a little tablet. Life is hard, but my medicine has made it manageable. Has it cured me? No. Has it made life enjoyable again? Most definitely. And while you all are busy wishing these meds worked like secret cures for everyone struggling with mental health, the most important thing that we should focus on is that it’s helping manage the issue. Trust me, I’d love to never feel anxious, to never overthink, to never get my moments of OCD where I had to reorganize things a certain way, but the fact that not only do I have people who sit back and smile as they watch my organizational chaos, but that they accept I just need to do this for me… that makes the difference. If you can let me explore the methods to my madness with a smile while I explain how something MUST make sense, you are being not only kind, but accepting that I am quirky, slightly unhinged, but that you love me anyways.
It’s almost been a year, and I’m not cured, but I’m doing better. I’m happier, I’m more myself. I still worry that I waste people’s time, but that’s just another thing to work on, I guess. For now, I’m enjoying my methodical madness and I love the people who support me, no questions asked. Enjoy the journey, everyone. A cure sometimes just isn’t the answer, and that’s more than okay.