Hello! Howdy! Hola! I live! I hope everyone is doing well. Last time I checked; we were in March. I am pretty sure it is safe to say that March has been the longest three months EVER.
I took a small break from writing after the Ultimate Blog Challenge to mentally, emotionally, and physically recharge. While I enjoyed the challenge IMMENSELY, it was extremely draining on my reservoir of creativity and I found myself lacking motivation to write. Guidethisway is not meant to feel like a chore and when I stopped enjoying getting my words out to people, I realized I needed a break.
So, while the world has been in chaos, I have been doing what Nat does best. I made my transfer to CSU Dominguez Hills official! I will be graduating with my Associates degree and moving on to FINALLY study what I want to be studying. I’m excited for the next chapter of my education journey to begin. Apart from that, I’ve been joining in on the American Council of the Blind’s community calls, participating and facilitating calls to the community that range from socializing to topic driven discourse. It’s been extremely nice being able to help during these calls, and even just getting to participate. Structure makes my overanxious brain extremely happy. If you haven’t heard of these ACB community calls, I highly recommend you go to their site and see what they are offering. With over five calls daily, there’s bound to be something for someone!
At the writing of this post, episode 5 of A Teaspoon of Good, the podcast that I host with my close friend Meka is due to be released soon! I am so grateful that Meka has decided to embark on this journey of fun, laughter, and wholesome good news that reminds us to stay positive… even if we’re in the third month of March. A Teaspoon of Good comes out every Thursday and it’s crazy to think that this is our fifth week running! I am so proud of the content we’ve created and the joy our ramblings bring not just me, but to others who may need a little pick me up.
Finally, and certainly also extremely important during this time, I’ve given myself space to feel out my emotions. I’ve gone from anxious, to angry, to frustrated, to overwhelmed with the lack of structure and routine that quarantine has created for me. I still wake up feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed at the prospect of having to have normal conversation with people outside the ACB community calls. I believe giving yourself permission to feel your emotions during this time is extremely important. Validation, affirmations… acknowledgement that you are struggling, and it is okay to struggle… that’s important and it matters. I’ve been all over the place; from watching movies and reading books, to looking at properties in Montana, and getting a BLUE Keurig that sits snugly on my dresser for emergency coffee needs. These things, while in an everyday scheme seem silly, are necessary and remind me of the good things happening.
I am not one to scream total optimism, but social media likes to remind us that introverts must be living the life of luxury during quarantine. I can promise you that at least for THIS introvert, I’m not. I miss my routine, but with the patience of waiting out this pandemic, new prospects are on the horizon. I, as well as Dodson, are ready to embark on new adventures, new relationships, friendships, accomplishments. While doing so, I hope to continue working with ACB, creating fun content for A Teaspoon of Good, and being my creative, chaotic self. Remember to give yourselves room to appreciate small things like coffeemakers in your favorite colors, or drawers that organize your K-cups like the nerd you are. Hell, feel good that you woke up because that can be hard sometimes.
As always, my readers are more than welcome to reach out to me if you want to chat. My Twitter, blog, and Facebook page are open. We’re struggling alongside one another, at least make it enjoyable.

During a text conversation yesterday, I gently teased a close friend about how he openly admitted he was terrible at expressing his feelings. Just one of the many things we had in common, it made me smile because I know exactly how that feels. Continue reading “My Anxiety Brain Is Driving this Struggle Bus”

Hello all you lovely humans. Welcome to Day 5 of the #UltimateBlogChallenge, wherein I am equally exhausted and equally stressed. This post is not going to be its normal cheerful one, but a check in to how I’m doing and hopefully getting to hear how you are.
It’s become increasingly difficult to avoid discussion of Covid-19 as news gets progressively worse. While I know some one who knows a few people fighting for their lives in the ICU, another acquaintance is posting on Facebook hoping for a miracle that their loved one survives. And here I am, sitting and watching it all happen, and enduring when it feels like the exact last thing I want to be doing.
A few weeks ago, I went to bed not feeling too hot. My head hurt, my jaw felt tense, flares of pain were going through my head. I felt like absolute crap, with what I thought was a fever. Immediately, the anxiety set in. Did I have Covid-19? Was I hallucinating the fever? Worst of all, how the hell can I talk to anyone when I feel like moving any muscle in my body was like fire.
I was able to get a telephone appointment the next day, and although I displayed signs of a sinus infection, the doctor over the line wasn’t 100 percent convinced since she couldn’t see my ears. I got a slew of medication to deal with it, and that’s how I’ve been. Dealing. Existing. But still mildly hurting. I am simply just tired. My ears and head hurt often, and I find myself sleeping to get away from it for a little. It keeps me up at night, as do the worries that I will somehow catch Covid-19, (knowing my luck), and accompanied by the aching loneliness sheltering in place has caused.
As much as I enjoy my solitude and quiet, the feeling isn’t exactly heavenly. I struggle to maintain a schedule, some normalcy, but it just isn’t capable when everything you used to do isn’t available right now. And trust me… I know it’s for my own good and the good of others. But you get tired of those same four walls, of your guide getting into trouble because it is the literal only thing he can do. The three closest people to me that isn’t directly family are all having to handle it the best they can, and I still worry. One is immunocompromised, another lives in Washington State, and another is on a mountain, where yes, people still are affected. It’s exhausting. I worry about them the way I worry about myself, because everything that seems to happen, just genuinely gets worse, and I can’t help in any way, shape or form.
Constantly pretending that I’m doing just fine in this shelter in place is asking for me to lie. Quite frankly, I am not okay. I am struggling to navigate these uncertain times, of wondering if this might be a sign of Covid-19 or if, somehow, I can limit the news I get about it. The answer? No. Because we’re all afraid and have absolutely no idea how to move forward.
I sincerely hope everyone is doing well. Let me know what I can do, how I can help. Let me know if you’re not okay, because it’s okay not to be okay. Know you’re not alone, even though it sincerely feels like solitary confinement at times. I hope to return tomorrow with more positiveness and less anxiety, but if you read this, I appreciate you. Stay safe.